Proverbs 8:11. For wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her.

Sometimes the filing system in my concordance of my bible, is so different from how I think. I find bible verses that I am looking for most of the time in it. On the other hand there are times, it doesn’t matter how hard I try, and I just can’t find the verse I am looking for. The above verse does make the point clear that we should seek wisdom, because it is truly priceless. The verse I was looking for was the one that says ‘wisdom is more precious than gold and silver.’ Why was it so important for me to find that verse? I want to go back to a time when I was about twelve years old. I opened up my bible to the verse that said ‘wisdom is more precious than gold and silver.’ Because I feared God I agreed to it, but deep in my heart I preferred the gold and silver. I was young so I had very little knowledge that God saw what was in my heart. You can’t fool God. Now not long after that God had to teach me how important wisdom was, by not giving it to me when I was so desperately in need of it. There is a saying ‘sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.’ It is a very unpopular saying but totally truthful. It is only because we are so stubborn and refuse to learn what is good for us. We refuse to obey; can’t get any plainer than that.

Uncontrollable Thoughts

The trial I was experiencing, felt like a hell on earth and it lasted about seven years. So I missed out all the good times when I was young. I believed every day I was going to go to hell. I was busy trying to save myself. I was suffering with uncontrollable thoughts that was extremely upsetting. The thoughts forced their way into my mind. The more panic I got over them, the stronger the thoughts became. So it was complete torture. I didn’t tell anybody about them, because I thought nobody would love me anymore. Now that I am adult in my senior’s years, I see so many people tortured with the same trial. Everybody thinks they are the only ones, but far from it. Saint John of the Cross says it happens to people who God is preparing them to have a deeper union with Him. And he continues and says for the sensitive souls, find it extremely hard, meaning they think it is them. Now I have read it decades ago so the wording is all wrong but the meaning is the same. These thoughts come from demons, not the person.

God Does Have Some Wonderful Plans For Us

Satan knows some of the plans God has for you. And they are great plans if you take God up on it. And of course Satan is going to do everything possible to stop it from ever happening. Unfortunately many people are so fearful of the trial that Satan gives them, they don’t trust God. So they give in and back away from the plan God is preparing for them. If you keep up the fight and trust God you always will come up on top and win a great victory for yourself and for the kingdom of God. God is always with you, but if you don’t trust Him, you will get weaker and then you start turning to the world for consolations and it never satisfies you for very long. If you had persevered to the end, what would have happened, you would have learned so much about the enemy’s tactics? And would of grown both wiser and stronger as a Christian and be able to help others who are going through what you just have been through. And the reward on earth and in heaven is so great, that it is worth every bit of trouble you go through.

My lack of wisdom tortured me, for one thing I learnt you don’t isolate yourself when you suffer, you have to talk about it to a wise person that you can trust. The second thing I learnt you have to trust in God’s mercy, and you really have to believe in His infinite love and greatest desire to forgive you of all your sins whatever they are, whether they are imaginary or real. The third thing I learnt you can’t save yourself. The fourth thing you have to pray for your survival sometimes without ceasing and fourthly don’t give up.

Released From My Torments

I suffered this torment for approximately seven years and I remember I said one day ‘I am going to believe in God’s mercy even if I don’t believe I am going to believe.’ I meant it with all my being and I do think that is what God was waiting for. One thing I was humbled to the ground and secondly I knew only God could help me and thirdly I was going to believe even if it looked like God was against me. What instantly followed was I felt all this weight leaving my body from my head upwards. I didn’t know it at the time, that weight were demons that were tormenting leaving me. And I was rejoicing and praising God with all my heart over the freedom that I was then experiencing. Then the memory came to me, which I now know was the Holy Spirit, reminding me of the time I was preferring gold and silver instead of wisdom. And I can remember the question that was presented to me, ‘if somebody ask you to exchange wisdom for silver or gold would you?’ I remember so clearly saying that ‘I would laugh at their faces, no way would I prefer gold and silver in exchange for wisdom.’ What a lesson! It took years of being humbled to get to that stage. Now don’t fear, it doesn’t have to be that way. The quicker we learn to do things God’s way the quicker we arrive at His truths. In other words, obey Him and we will be alright. If we are prepared to deny ourselves and pick up our cross and follow Jesus it is so much easier than fighting God. It is like gardening, fighting nature instead of going with it, makes everything so difficult.

Working In God’s Vineyard

I was thinking a couple of days ago about Jesus speaking about a parable. Some people were employed to work in the vineyard from the very beginning of the day and others set to work much later and the last lot of people who arrived working in the vineyard, started an hour before knock off time. When it was time for everybody to get paid, the people who worked in the last hour got the same pay as the ones who started working in the man’s vineyard from the very beginning of the day. I have to admit I have been very jealous of those who started late. One day I was thinking about it and I thought I am glad I started at the beginning, because I am working for such a lovely Master. Straight away Jesus showed me how much my thoughts pleased Him. And it is true, despite of all the hardships you go through and there is so many, especially if you really commit yourself to God. The reason being, Satan for starters is going to do everything in his power to stop you. God always gives you the feeling of well done. Even that feeling alone is wonderful and worthwhile.

Another thing I just want to mention. I have been meditating a lot on how big God is lately and it has been some journey. It has brought me so much closer to God. All my life I am getting closer to God, the journey doesn’t ever stop. If we love God we are always wanting to get closer and closer to Him. My thoughts were not only on how big God is but also reflecting, His love, mercy, strength, Glory everything is as big as He is. I was considering our small Satan really is in comparison to how big God is and I said ‘Satan is only a speck.’ I felt Satan presence and he was so angry. So all he did was confirmed it was true. If it wasn’t true he would of, laughed at me.